Anyone Else But You
by omegatrinity
Summary: LucciKaku. Jyabura, Lucci, and Kaku go on a grocery run. Supermarkets aren't always animal friendly.


Lucci is looking him square in the face - not that his face is any more square than normal, Kaku thinks bitterly, remembering the words of the Strawhats.

As far as Kaku can tell, Lucci's expression hasn't changed. In some ways Kaku expected Lucci to react this way, but a more insecure part of his personality told him that the agent would laugh.

He's not laughing.

Jyabura, however, is crying more than laughing on the floor unable to make out any intelligent words, but Kaku's pretty sure he heard the words "ridiculous" and "awkward."

Kaku is furious and can't think of anything to stop Jyabura from laughing -his mind can only come up with whining, something he _knows_ wouldn't help his case. He glares in Jyabura's direction, but the expression only manages to make Jyabura laugh harder. Lucci still as stern as ever, doesn't even give Jyabura the satisfaction of an eye-roll. Kaku can tell he doesn't find the situation as amusing.

"Maybe if you didn't move your ears so much." Jyabura suggests though gasps of air, but both Lucci and Jyabura know that there are no solutions to Kaku's appearance problem, the ear twitches seem involuntary for the most part, but it doesn't make Kaku any more threatening

"I-I'm not moving them!" Kaku sounds exasperated, and he quickly reverts back to his human form. Lucci watches Kaku's face flush and Jyabura's laughs calm down to sort of a snicker.

Lucci won't justify Jyabura's taunting with a comment, he _is_ looking at Kaku now and Kaku struggles not to look as frustrated as he is -he manages to mold his expression into something that resembles anger.

Lucci doesn't say it to Kaku, but something about the rectangular nose and the uniquely long eyelashes makes Lucci think that Kaku already somewhat resembled a giraffe -it goes past the other man's height.

Kaku thinks he sees the side of Lucci's mouth turn up into a smirk but it's so quick that he's not sure if he saw it or not. Is Lucci internally laughing? Kaku finds it anything _but_ funny.

"There's no way you don't see it too, Lucci!" Jyabura is holding his stomach and mimes a circle around Kaku's body. "How sad that you have to go through life looking like _that_!" But the last word is choked out and Jyabura starts laughing again. Kaku assumes that Jyabura is referring to his apparently _awkward_ square body. "Not that you've changed much. A giraffe fits you!"

"What do you mean fits me?" He can't stop his voice from breaking when he says _mean_ and Kaku suddenly wants to prove how powerful the devil fruit form is. He remembers briefly what happened _last time_ he got mad though, and he thinks maybe keeping the buildings in tact would be the better option.

He already almost broke the ceiling when his neck suddenly got ten times longer. For some reason, the size of the room didn't cross his mind when he decided to transform in the first place and luckily, he remembered to duck his head quickly during the transformation.

So while he was trying to convince both Lucci _and _Jyabura that he was not _ridiculous_, he'd managed to crush his elongated body into the room. Jyabura was the one who had started the argument of whether the giraffe body was hilarious or not -Lucci could care less even now- and Kaku had been the one to decide to prove it. Kaku cursed the low ceilings -not that any normal room would accommodate a giraffe in the first place.

Jyabura has stopped laughing in order to _breathe_ and Lucci is still looking at Kaku's frowning face. He recognizes the other man's calculating stare, and Kaku can't help but wonder if maybe Lucci's trying to figure out how a giraffe would be useful at all.

Even Kaku had his doubts when he was fighting Zoro.

Having cut a building in half, he figures there are worse animals he could be. "I could be Jyabura." Kaku mutters out loud and Jyabura looks up -he hadn't meant to say it out loud.

"What'd you say? Dumb cow…"

Another fight breaks out and Lucci can clearly hear Kaku argue that he prefers meat over plants and Jyabura ignoring any words coming from the taller man's mouth to repeat himself. Is this going to be a daily occurrence? He briefly contemplates leaving.

Lucci is about to kill one of them -Kaku would be easier, he's a larger target. But in terms of strength, Jyabura would have to go first. He stands among the fighting for another 30 seconds before he growls a short, "Enough."

Kaku stops and Jyabura manages to get out one last, "herbivores should stay on farms." Before Lucci shoots him another look without changing his expression much, Jyabura closes his mouth quickly.

He turns to Kaku next, who looks a little like he's pleading with him to _please_ just accept that the giraffe is a useful animal, and that it's really not as bad as Jyabura says. But Kaku thinks if he says anything, Lucci will just murder them both to save wasted time - it's not as if Lucci's never heard them fight before though.

Jyabura looks annoyed, he doesn't appreciate Lucci cutting in. "Why don't you show him something, Kaku!" He says, giving him a knowing smirk. Kaku puffs up a little to argue, but decides this is a good idea.

"Yeah, alright." He frowns, trying to decide which attack to show -and which one would do the least amount of damage.

He decides that "Kilimanjaro" is the best choice of attack, as long as he doesn't hit anything. What he doesn't count on -and he's more embarrassed that he's let this happen twice- is the unique habit his legs have of shooting themselves out of his body. He suddenly wishes he could take his head and stuff it into the ground, anything as long as he doesn't have to see Lucci's reaction.

"Ah- Pasta machine!" He says, covering it up like he did the first time. He looks to see Lucci's face -it looks the same, but he distinctly hears a grunt of mild surprise.

Jyabura blurts out, "Are you serious?!" and loses it, Kaku almost takes one of his swords and thrusts it through Jyabura's face.

Lucci shrugs and Jyabura stops laughing to fight with Lucci. "There's no way you don't think that's funny." He says incredulously, "Even without a personality, that's hilarious." Jyabura is obviously dissatisfied with Lucci's response and Kaku tries to figure out how to push his legs back into his body.

"He managed to survive longer than you when we fought the Strawhats..." Lucci starts and folds his arms behind his back, he doesn't continue the sentence however, just turns a challenging glance towards Jyabura.

"What was that?"

Kaku thinks that somehow, this will take the better part of the day -both him trying to retract his legs, and the arguments in general. He's still hunched over, but he sheathes his swords in order to get his body under control before turning back into a person.

Thinking positively, Kaku's pretty sure he won the verbal fight with Jyabura and he smiles for another victory when he reminds himself that _Lucci, _at least, doesn't find him awkward. Not to his knowledge anyway, he adds, a little less sure of himself.

Kaku can hear Lucci's flippant mutter, but only catches "mutts" at the end of the other man's sentence.

Lucci seems as though he's over the conversation -more or less finished with it to begin with, Kaku muses. He frowns and cracks his knuckles before making his way over the Kaku, leaving Jyabura mid-sentence and possibly twice as angry.

"The others are probably waiting." Kaku says, looking towards the window. Not that they have anything to wait _for_ since the CP9 had gone, as the World Government put it, AWOL. Lucci follows Kaku's gaze and nods -he knows that Kaku really means: "The others are probably worried that one of us killed a civilian." Not that any of them _had_...recently. Jyabura joins them, still yelling about _something_, although neither Kaku or Lucci are listening to his complaints anymore.

Jyabura finally admits that Kalifa will probably be pissed if they stay gone for too long -since Jyabura and Kaku were sent on a grocery run, and Lucci to retrieve them. Lucci is irritated with the idea of a curfew, not that he doesn't feel it's a little bit justified.

Kaku is suddenly aware of the people around him and Lucci glares into a store clerk -who had been trying to get them out of the store since Kaku's first transformation- before the teenager goes running for backup. Kaku always thought that the three of them -combined, anyway- had better judgement, but he supposes he's just proven himself wrong. Lucci grabs coffee from the shelf and eyes Kaku when he shoves it violently into the cart - Lucci hates errands.

Jyabura watches the women around them shoo their kids into the next isles and makes a low comment about Lucci's face and the frightened children. Kaku looks at the -now crumbling- cracks he made in the ceiling, then looks towards Lucci who's added at least three more bags of coffee beans -probably out of anger- to their cart. He moves to put one back, and Lucci stares until Kaku places it back in their cart. Part of the ceiling tile lands on the floor next to Jyabura.

The clerk comes back with what Kaku assumes is the manager of the supermarket, both of them look terrified, however, and Kaku wonders if this town has ever had a pirate, let alone three former World Government agents. Lucci turns to address them, and Kaku's surprised at how level-headed their conversation sounds.

Kalifa and Blueno are waiting outside, she notices Kaku dusting the ceiling off his hat and somehow figures out that there was trouble in the store -regardless of Lucci's hasty verbal clean-up.

She's looking at Kaku seriously and he knows he'll have to admit defeat eventually, he's actually _more_ surprised that he didn't get kicked out of the store in the first place. Kalifa isn't happy regardless of whether or not they've destroyed any buildings. Kaku assumes that Blueno's calmed her down a little bit -not that she ever shows how angry she is. She takes the groceries and adjusts her glasses before handing them to Blueno. Blueno looks exasperatedly toward the other three men, and Jyabura stuffs his hands in his pockets. Lucci adjusts his tie, Kaku replaces the hat on his head.

They walk home in silence, except for the short half-conversations that Blueno and Kalifa have in the front of the group. Kaku walks alongside Lucci, still not completely sure if he got all the debris and dust off his head. Lucci stares at Kaku's hat and turns his face forward again. Kaku sweeps at his head in one last frantic movement.

Lucci moves for Kaku's hat from his head and Kaku only has enough time to start a "Hey-" Before Lucci hands it back to him, fully cleaned. He almost forgot how fast Lucci was.

Kaku mumbles something that he thinks was probably a "thank you." He's not sure. Lucci nods and Kaku thinks he sees a smirk. Jyabura brushes past Kaku, purposely hitting him with his shoulder. Kaku frowns, but is used to Jyabura's behavior by now.

When Kaku focuses again, Lucci's moved closer -he's not sure how he didn't notice- and Kaku finds himself meeting Lucci's lips halfway...almost.

Lucci pulls away just as smoothly as he had bent in, and Kaku notices Blueno's suspecting glance in their direction. Lucci runs a hand through his hair and brushes his elbow against Kaku's when he replaces it into his pockets. Kaku can feel his ears burn.

"I like the giraffe." Lucci's voice is low, quiet. Kaku thinks for a minute that he's hearing something. But Lucci's indifferent expression is facing him, "It suits you." Lucci continues flatly.

Kaku feels some sense of pride, like he's finally won. Maybe this whole day was worth it -even losing a prime grocery shopping spot was worth the victory, he thinks.

"Not as awkward as you thought, right?" Kaku says, satisfied with himself. Lucci's eyes are straight forward.

"More so."

Kaku frowns, remembering his inability to control his long legs from propelling themselves from his -at the time, slightly squatty- body. Not so much the triumph he was hoping for.

"It's fitting." Though not _quite_ the ego boost Kaku was hoping for, the tone -very slight- gives it a complimentary quality.

Kaku smiles, defeated. Maybe today wasn't a total loss.


End file.
